You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
