The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
