my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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