Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I have post one night stand depression
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
