Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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