Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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