i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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