I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
