I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
