Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
