How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
