I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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