you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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