Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
