Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
