Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
