the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
