I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
