I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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