Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
