I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I AM VODKA MAN
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
