How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
