i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
