just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My day in three words: secret purse cake
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