fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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