What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
