I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Terrible idea I love it
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
