i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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