Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
