Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
