jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
