i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize