I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
