I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
