i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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