but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
