I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
