He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
