the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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