I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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