I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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