So drunk, too bad you don't want this
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
