I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
