im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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