if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize