I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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