PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
