areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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