so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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