So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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