Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
