So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
