I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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