I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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