you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
