I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize