Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
