he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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