Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
