and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
