You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
