at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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