So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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