There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
