That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
