I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
