definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
