Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize