You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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