I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
