His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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