Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
