You're my little dorito
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Randomize
