Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
