I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
