I have demons in me.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize