This dress was meant to end up on your floor
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
