I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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