just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
