Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
