You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
