also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
