she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
